Breathe

*Contains spoilers for Realm 1.

It's hard to breathe.

 

I wonder when breathing had become such a conscious effort for me… I remember not feeling that way when I was five. My father would spend time playing with me when he wasn't busy. And when he was, I would spend time baking with my mum in the kitchen.

 

I was happy. So happy.

 

My father always told me that I didn't have to be an Alpha if I didn't want to, but even then, I could hear my wolf growl in displeasure at that statement. I think he had a hard time imagining his sweet little girl as an authoritative figure. Or maybe he just wanted to protect me.

 

Even when I was younger, it was easy to see that the pack members despised me. The children would be mean to me, and their parents would encourage them in their bad behaviour. When my father discovered this, he punished those involved harshly. But from that day, he kept telling me that it was okay for me not to be an Alpha.

 

But I never understood how not to be one. Is it even possible?

 

Anyway, at the time, I wanted to be one. So I would ask my father to train me as soon as he came home. We would go for a run with my little legs, trying to keep up with his long ones. And then, when I would be out of breath, we would pretend to fight. He would laugh so much at how hard I was trying, and when we would get back home, he would tell my mum about it. She would try hard not to laugh, but she never managed to hold it in. I would end up laughing at the end too. So hard that I could barely breathe.

 

At the time, it felt good to have a hard time breathing.

 

Then one day, they were both gone. My grandpa told me it was an accident while they were visiting another pack. I don't remember the details. The next few weeks were a blur. I only remember clinging on to everything that reminded me of my parents.

 

My mum was always taking care of everyone like the perfect Luna she was. She also baked and cooked delicious meals for everyone to gather around. So, I learnt to cook and bake as well as she could.

 

My dad kept telling me I didn't have to be an Alpha, so I decided it was okay not to want to be one.

 

However, my wolf wouldn't let me. She always forced me to live as an Alpha. And now, a part of me wants to be the ultimate Alpha again. But the other part still doesn't.

 

Sometimes it feels like all those emotions are not really my own. Do I want to be an Alpha because of my wolf or because it was what I have wanted since I was a child?

Do I want to be something else because I want to honour my father's memory or because I've changed and I just want to be normal?

 

Even the prophecy over my life dictates what I should do. I hate it. I hate that I have no choices in my fate.

 

But then Kali appeared, and I started to wonder if I really hated having my fate decided by others.

 

Yeah, she was really forceful at the start, and we clashed a lot, but… The rare moment she smiles, I can't help but smile too.

Everybody is afraid of my wolf, but she isn't. She believes I am stronger than her and that someday I could live with her. I was already questioning if fate was such a bad thing, and then Leyala and Atlas appeared.

 

How can fate be bad when it brought such wonderful people into my life?

 

All of a sudden, it's way easier to breathe. I have even more responsibilities, but it doesn't matter because they are with me.

 

Is it the power of the bond? Or is it because I share it with amazing people?

 

I always thought I was the unluckiest person in the world, but now I wonder if I'm the luckiest. How can I be so spoilt by fate?

 

I always wanted to act more mature and older, but now I'm happiest when someone calls me Pup.

 

It's difficult to breathe again because I'm laughing too much when I look at Leyala's sleepy face.

 

It's so peaceful when Kali is venting about the frustrating characters of the last book she's been reading.

 

Even Kali's father is helping me with my Alpha responsibilities.

 

I will do everything to protect that. Everything. My wolf and I agree on that.

 

I know I still need to take care of my pack back in Norway and all the packs across the world. I know they all reject me because of my wolf. It hurt a lot. But it doesn't feel so bad anymore as soon as I hear the word Pup said with a smile.

 

My father was right, it's okay for me not to be an Alpha, but I think I want to be. I want to be one to protect everything that I hold dear. I want to be one who doesn't have anything stolen from me ever again.

 

And I want to help everyone else protect their happiness too.

 

My father was this kind of Alpha, and I want to be one too.

 

So, it may be hard to breathe sometimes, but I know it will be okay. Because each time I look into my mates' eyes, all of a sudden, it becomes easier to do so.